Your Life’s Casting Call
Anyone who knows me, knows that movies are my jam. If we've had more than one conversation, chances are I've referenced or quoted something whether it was picked up or not (cause I do it for me, lol). So that is the foundation for this post concept, but I'll get to it in a second...
In all of us, there's an inbuilt desire that looks to have and be connected to people around us. A community or group of people that make us laugh, that build us up, that allow us to contribute, that provide a place for give and take to healthily meet our needs.
But these high stakes can make it hard to even think about allowing people into our lives who might not be around that long, or to let people go who are no longer in our regular/day-to-day experience. We look for reassurance of longevity, of safety and trust - but we want these signs before we allow people into our inner circles as to avoid pain and/or loss of relationship.
Basically I’m trying to create the outline that we all long to find a people, or tribe, that we can live apart of. This is where my concept of the life cast comes in.
Your Life’s Casting Call
THE LIFE CAST
Think of your life like a tv show (stay-with-me). A show will have a main cast of characters that the story - for the most part - will revolve around. These are the people in the title credits, the ones that we see often and journey with day-in-day-out. There are also regular guest stars that frequently take part, and are highly valued - but not regular mains. Then there are special guest stars that show up for maybe one, maybe two or three story arcs at a time, and we love having them! They bring something unique and fresh, but again only for a shotgun moment. Extras come and go in the background, and for good reason are rarely invited into the depth of any story / connection.
Now this is important to understand: the main cast occasionally changes between or even during seasons. Characters may leave or move on, and though they sometimes stop by again, they’re no longer part of the main ensemble. Though the consistency or frequency may be gone, that doesn't mean your value or love for them is required to change. Now think of yourself as the main character of your show (don’t worry about being narcissistic - it’s part of the exercise, since you are with yourself 100% of the time). Realize you are surrounded by a main cast in the season of life you currently find yourself in. The cast you have now is definitely very different from the first cast you had and is probably not even the 10th variation you've had.
That’s totally fine, and in fact is healthy. It’s for sure natural. That hard part is to remove the pressure in your mind that you need to fight to keep the same people around you, or run the risk of never having depth in connection again. That fear will cripple growth in any past, current and future relationships.
Rid yourself of the notion that time and space holds the keys to who you can and can’t have a healthy deep connection with. If we always required a 10 year contract of proximity before letting people into our hearts, most of the world would either have no friends or be bored/chained to the ones they have. Harsh, but true. Don’t fight the change, welcome it. Don’t fight the emotions it brings, but choose to embrace and experience.
Your cast changing will never devalue a relationship, or force you to love someone less. It simply creates space for you to live within healthy connection within the here and now. If you’re constantly feeling hurt or let down by someone, perhaps it’s time to re-examine their place in the cast. It may have changed, but you didn’t realize - or you didn't want to. You may be expecting them to act like a main cast member, but they’re only capable to be a special guest here and there. Your expectations of them will need to change in order to have a positive relationship with them.
This doesn't mean that you're currently 'wasting' your time on people, but it helps to understand the relationships that are inner-circle in your now - these are the ones it's worth going the extra mile with, and necessary to invest into. Step into confrontation when issues arise, share when you feel hurt, voice when you feel loved, point out your appreciation, and truly let yourself enjoy the connection you have.
A moment of discomfort for a lifetime of difference...
I’d challenge you to examine your life cast now, and do it every so often - just as a check in.
I’ve found it to be a healthy and helpful mind map, and it’s made me more aware and intentional with where and how I spend my time.
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